A Golden Pain
I'm filled with so much pain
So much.
So much, so much, so much pain.
I can't describe it and I can't talk about it.
I keep it to myself.
But, it hurts so bad.
I don't know what it hurts like, but it's a familiar pain.
One that I've felt before.
And I hate it.
I hate feeling it over and over again.
But, I can't stop it.
It just feels like everything is too much and it's the only way to just push it all out.
Every worry, every ounce of my anxiety rolls down my cheek as I feel the pain once again.
I just want to be free.
Free of myself, free of my pain, free of my life.
I don't want to commit suicide, but it always crosses my mind.
Because then someone could find out how I really feel.
All the times I lied and told them I was fine.
All the times I came home sniffing, not because I cried in my car, but because I "had a cold".
I just can't deal with it all alone, but nobody has the capacity to absorb all of the pain I'm going through.
I wish I could say it.
I wish I could be painless.