A Golden Voice
I have this voice
Thie voice I use when I present projects in class
I call it my speaker voice.
Its hides all the anxiety, the pain, the hurt, in my words.
I use the same voice to talk to my friends.
Hiding everything I feel, everything I want to say, every ounce of what I actualy feel.
It makes me feel like I'm strong, to hold everytimg back, to tell them how I feel, but its shallow.
Its barely even the surface.
I don't tell them while balling my eyes out.
I don't tell them while screaming into my pillow.
I don't tell them while I stare unmoving into old pictures of her.
I just hold it in.
And I wish someone could know my real pain.
How I can't stop thinking about her.
How I cry every night thinking about her.
How even the smallest things make me think about her.
I don't think I can.
It's not like I'm faking the pain
Or that I don't trust them.
But, it just never comes out.
And The only person where it did, was her.
But she's gone now, and I can't get her back.
So I'm still here, crying into my pillow, like i did last night.
Thinking about all the things I still love about her.