A Golden Weight
I don't want to be this resentful person.
A person despised by their friends.
A person that folds into their pain,
But I don't see what choice I have.
I didn't choose to have this pain put upon me.
And though it weighs on me more and more each day.
Some part of me thinks that letting it crush me is the only way to let it go.
Instead of just lowering it off my shoulders, I decide to keep giving into it.
And it gets worse.
Its been getting worse for a long while now, but I just cant figure out what to do.
Everyone tells me to not think about it, to think about her.
That it'll make it better.
But no matter how much I try, my heart still calls out to her.
And I know I shouldn't, but I still subconsciously look for her.
Her truck outside the gym or
Her bag and her shoes propped up against the mat.
Sometimes I even go to different places trying to find her.
Hoping that she will see me.
Hoping that she doesn't hate me.
Hoping that she still loves me.