Golden Grief
Somtimes I say I've moved on.
Sometimes I say I'm better.
But in truth,
I'm still the mess I was with her.
And I don't want to feel bad, but its like I can't.
I've been told to try not to fall into the cycle of mourning over her, to not romantize the past, to miss her and not give in to the suffering.
But I don't know how to do that.
I keep trying.
And im trying so hard.
And yeah, I don't want to feel this way.
But I see her everywhere, hear her everywhere, notice everything she is the little things I do.
But nothing brings her back to me.
She's gone now, and so I write these poems trying to flood something with the emotions.
And then I post them.
And one side of me wants to be able to connect with someone dealing with similar things, but there's a little peice of me hoping that she finds these and understands how much she really meant to me.
That I would go through all this grief for her.
I know, though, that even if she saw these, it would never bring her back to me.
Becuase it doesn't matter how much grief I put myslef through if it can't erase the grief I put her through.