How shall I go on.
How can one go on
after everything that has happened,
after giving everything that he has to something
yet seeing it turn to dust within his hand?
To lose everything
and start from nothing,
to have the heart
but not the will,
for everything that he dreamed of
is out of his reach.
What remains, he does not understand,
for what once was
is now lost.
To start again—
but how,
he does not know.
There is no other
that I trust,
no other that I will let close.
I can go on,
and I shall not harm myself,
but there is no life but this,
even though it is now
of emptiness and solace.
I know not what is next,
or if there is a next.
I will go on till the end of my days,
even if it is in this pain,
and this emptiness.
But never let these walls go down again.
For the emptiness in its own
has the strength to carry me.
What good is a love
if its loss is not forever?
For is that not love—
a love whose loss carries on
till the end of time?
A love that mattered,
and for anything else to fall in between,
is that love not true?
For even in its loss
it is the emptiness that carries on,
only for it to matter
though it is not there.
The emptiness is not suffering.
It is the continuity
of everything that will be.
And to let another,
or love another,
casts a shadow on what was.
And this is wrong.
For how doth one care for another
while still knowing
that someone else meant something to him?
That love shall never be true.
Maybe no love is,
and will ever be.
And if love is such,
I have no need for it,
for that emptiness
is all that I need.
My love was eternal.
It is my fate
for this life
and the next to follow
on the path that is before me—
the path that is empty
and leads to where I do not know.
To lose all that is me
is a turn that the path takes,
and leads to a place
I cannot see.
And there is nobody next to me.
For all the walls that surround me
are made by the heart
that spoke only one name.
Just one.
And now that's gone,
and it went with it too
all that remains.
Is the path.
Where I do not know
what is next.
I shall walk ahead,
but the road is dark
and leads nowhere.
For other things
it might bring wealth and fame,
but the emptiness
it shall not change.
For this is the road that I walk.
Everything it may have,
but a way to bring my heart back—
for that it hath not.
For my heart shall beat in her name
even when she is not here,
and even in all emptiness.
For that is all it knows.
For that's all it shall ever know,
even if it means
the rest is in the dark.
For that's how you know
it mattered.
For how else would you know?